He shakes his head- that's the wrong word. "I can't do that. She'll never be someone I've written off."
He knows this for a fact, a certainty deep inside of him: no one will ever compare to her. No one could ever measure up. He'd have to keep himself forcibly away if he made that decision.
"I believe in fighting just to fight. I believe I can learn things about myself through self-denial. But you- you seem like the opposite." But Lark is desperate enough to cope with his loss that he'll follow any example just to see.
"I always fight for a reason," he agrees, even if the people around him don't exactly know that reason. "And I'm not sure what the 'ell I'd learn from denying myself most things."
He levels a look at Lark-- one vice in particular there both very familiar with, of course. But he drinks and he smokes, and if Grace were here he wouldn't be denying himself sex, either. Now, the latter is more a case of having no interest.
"What I learn from not doing certain things is that I function better without them- and so I won't. But that isn't self-denial."
He nods, because Tommy has a point. "No, you're right, that's not. But it's hard to explain the power in it if there's no point of reference. You could experiment with it."
He shakes his head. Tommy knows himself well enough to be aware of how he works, what does and what doesn't help him.
"Experimenting with that wouldn't make the loss any easier." Which was, essentially, the point- everything else in his life, Tommy has control over, or knows how to gain control over.
"And as rough as it is, making the absence more real is- almost like making her more real." You take what you can get, sometimes.
There's the slightest softening in his expression, and Lark nods. "I will be. I just...lose my direction around him sometimes. So thank you, for listening."
The problem here, of course, is that he wants Lark to move on and maybe find happiness with someone else- but he can't see himself ever taking enough distance to do the same thing.
He shakes his head, crosses his legs. "Ah, it's nothing big, Lark. You're welcome."
"I should get back." He likes to at least say hi to Nux in the mornings, if they don't have time to wrestle a bit. He nods at Tommy's things. "Want me to take that back to the mess?"
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He knows this for a fact, a certainty deep inside of him: no one will ever compare to her. No one could ever measure up. He'd have to keep himself forcibly away if he made that decision.
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"What I learn from not doing certain things is that I function better without them- and so I won't. But that isn't self-denial."
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"Experimenting with that wouldn't make the loss any easier." Which was, essentially, the point- everything else in his life, Tommy has control over, or knows how to gain control over.
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He exhales heavily. "But it also kills off certain opportunities, I think. At least if, say, last night is going where I think it is."
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"All the same, Lark- be careful with him." It's a small concession to who they are, Tommy admitting he feels worry over Lark.
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There's the slightest softening in his expression, and Lark nods. "I will be. I just...lose my direction around him sometimes. So thank you, for listening."
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He shakes his head, crosses his legs. "Ah, it's nothing big, Lark. You're welcome."
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He gives him a last small smile, because this has helped, and slips out to go sleep.