bleak_midwinter | IC inbox / contact

From:

He represses a shudder- ruthless, he gets, but the thought of that many people being killed is quite a different thing. His fingernail scratch against the wood of the table, his rings tap it once.

"Why do you want to?"

From:

ukan

"My kind have been hunted almost to extinction. More than once. After a while you get tired of thinking about your pack always hiding in the shadows, dodging government experiments..." But that's only 90% of the reason. "Why do you do what you do? I think our reasons are probably the same."

From:

bleak_midwinter

He breathes, slowly, and then inclines his head a little. "I do it because I want my family to do better than they have done." And something else-- a drive within him for more, better, bigger. But he can't let that part of himself take over, not here.

He understands it, why Lark does it, even if he knows it shouldn't happen.

From:

ukan

It takes so much of the fear out of this, to see how Tommy is taking it.

"That's why I'm here. I could dress it up as the Admiral disagreeing with all my noble reasons...some of them, like your drive to help your family, are noble. But now you know the whole thing."

From:

bleak_midwinter

He nods, then seems to recall something. "And your revenge?" The person who'd killed his family. He wonders how much of that story was true.

From:

ukan

His expression goes very dark. The 'family' part was a euphemism for pack, but the rest had been true.

"His name is Baron. He defected to another pack to be with their girl; my girl was...she didn't want anyone touching her. Baron killed all of us except for me, her, and two others I'd sent somewhere else for a while. So the first thing I want to do when I get home is kill him."

From:

bleak_midwinter

"Do you think the Admiral will want to keep you from doing that?"

It's not sure, from the tone of his voice, whether Tommy would try and keep him. But he knows there are better ways to take revenge than death. Better ways to deal with a betrayal like that, in the long run.

From:

ukan

"I don't know. He's inconsistent; nearly every warden has had revenge and some of them have had it for the same reasons I'm after it. If that's something he plans on me changing, I'll never get off the boat."

Lark will never let Baron walk away after what he did. However, when he talks about it, it's without the rage and passion of a man who is determined to have death to set it right. He's open to other ideas, so long as it gets him justice--and so long as he can get it himself.

From:

bleak_midwinter

"Then I doubt that's what he's after." Because if Tommy wants to do his job right, then he'll have to believe that the inmates here are redeemable.

From:

ukan

"I think you would know better than I would." Lark says, which is a sort of 'thank you'.

He clears his throat. "So now you know why I'm here." Is it enough, or does Tommy need more?

From:

bleak_midwinter

"I..."

He takes a deep breath, and for once looks right at Lark. He's nervous, suddenly, and a little scared. But he knows he needs to say this now, or it'll be worse for him later.

"When it's happening, I'll- I think I'll ask for someone."

From:

ukan

Lark nods in understanding. He remembers calling for the friend he'd lost, over and over, while Tati sat nearby. But he doesn't say anything out loud, doesn't want to risk fracturing the moment before Tommy can say what he needs to say.

From:

bleak_midwinter

"Her name is Grace," he says in a rush, like if he doesn't say it now he won't say it at all. There's a deep, undeniable pain in his voice when he says her name.

"Don't give me any hope about her."

From:

ukan

He studies Tommy, nods. This isn't something that will ever leave the room, isn't something he'd allow visitors to hear, either, then.

"What do I need to know about her?"

From:

bleak_midwinter

Now, he needs time to answer. He hasn't told anyone but Furiosa- doesn't intend to tell Lark his deal, but no one else knows about Grace. He knows he needs to say it, but all his instincts scream at him to shut up, keep it close.

He knows those instincts will be buried in feverish imaginations in a few days. And he needs control, more than anything.

"That we love each other, and that she betrayed me in spite of that."

From:

ukan

"I'm sorry."

And he truly is. If Lisbeth had ever betrayed him--and she might have, given time--he already knows it would have crippled that last part of himself that can still put a loved one above himself.

"I won't give you hope about her, if that's really what you think is best."

From:

bleak_midwinter

He shakes his head, digs his nails into his palm.

"If I come back home and she leaves, I- I don't want the memory of her helping me through something like this. Not even the imagined memory." Because if he does have that he knows with cold certainty that he'll leave everything behind for her. And he is not that man.

From:

ukan

"I'll do whatever I can to keep you grounded in what you're doing."

He can't say 'the present' because a very large part of this will be him drowning in the past traumas.

"What do you associate with Grace? Smells, tastes, sounds?"

From:

bleak_midwinter

"Singing," he says, clearly, decisively. If there is anything, it's that. "She-- sings." Can't quite get himself to say 'sang', yet.

From:

ukan

No music, then. Even songs without vocals could be bad, depending on how this goes.

"Have you had flashbacks before? Long ones?"

From:

bleak_midwinter

"Sometimes, while I'm half awake. Not of her."

From:

ukan

"Tell me what happens when you have them. What you see, what you do in the real world."

He doesn't want to spend the next week, weeks more like, having to wrestle Tommy down.

From:

bleak_midwinter

"I get afraid. I fight. I--" He hates that every time he wants to explain, he has to consider that not everyone knows what happened during the war. It's a little difficult to imagine that for Lark, his service is as abstract as the Napoleonic War is to Tommy.

"Do you know what tunnelers did? During the war."

From:

ukan

"I know some, yes." His schooling had focused on the flashy heroics of the flying aces. Later, Lark learned about foot rot, about how bloody and difficult and different trench warfare had been. He hasn't read about the War in years but he doesn't want to make Tommy leave the personal things aside to explain. This is about Tommy, needs to stay focused on him.

From:

bleak_midwinter

"We went down into the earth, underneath the trenches. We dug tunnels into enemy territory. Loaded them with explosives, if we got close enough. Sometimes, the enemy would dig right into our own tunnel."

In daylight, he has no trouble explaining this. But Lark can draw his own conclusions about the claustrophobia, and the fear, and the absolute agony of being yards underneath the earth and having to fight for your life with no way out. There's no way for anyone who wasn't there to truly understand, anyway.

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