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[bleak_midwinter]

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[ukan]

"Some don't." He agrees, both elbows on the table now. "But you have to ask them anyway. Sometimes hundreds of times."

It's a good sign, to have that look from Tommy, even if it does make Lark feel bruised to see it. There are just certain types of hopelessness.

"You can contact me, whenever you don't know what else to ask. When you feel stuck--and you will."

[bleak_midwinter]

"And to think, I was all set to never trust anything about you." His voice is hoarse and humorless, and he's once again avoiding meeting Lark's eyes.

[ukan]

"I won't go asking for your hand in anything. But I do mean this." And he's sure Tommy knows he does.

[bleak_midwinter]

Something in Tommy is still afraid that Lark will use this against him- will tell people, will make him seem untrustworthy, broken.

But admitting to that fear would make the possibility of it coming true even larger. He exhales, slowly; inhales, even slower, and finally looks up again and tilts his head.

"Thank you." Because that's all, really. If Lark doesn't use this against him, that's all he has to say.

[ukan]

Lark knows the anxiety that goes with it. So he rubs his jaw and decides, to hell with it, all in, cards on the table.

"I've got secrets I'd rather people not know. I'm a lycanthrope, is one."

[bleak_midwinter]

It's an unfamiliar word-- he knows werewolf, and he knows the words his family used when they told their stories, but he doesn't immediately recognize it. His brow furrows, and then he realizes:

"Furiosa. She kicked you, the first day you were here."

She'd told about that, but she never mentioned who it had been.

[ukan]

Lark actually smiles. Yes, yes she had. But he'd never known how far he could trust her with his secret; now he does. Even better, now it's a moot point.

"That was me."

[bleak_midwinter]

"The pack, the-- the reason you could smell it on me."

He's disconcerted, clearly, and probably with good reason. But if he would stop to think about it, he's not as upset as he would have thought he'd be.

[ukan]

"Just a part of what I am." Lark nods, staying still, letting him think.

[bleak_midwinter]

"What else do you do?" What does it mean, he wants to know; what can he expect.

[ukan]

"You won't be up for wardening Nux. I don't know how long--days. Weeks maybe, if you're unlucky." He glances at the doorway leading to the rest of his cabin. "You'll want somewhere you're comfortable. I can- when it happens. I can be here, if you want. I can try to walk you through the things that helped me. I can make sure you're safe."

[bleak_midwinter]

Lark hits the nail on the head, there-- this, this is the worst part. That he let the drug get in the way of his work, his duty. It's embarrassing, shameful even, and the thought of Lark being there in those moments shames him further.

He does these things alone. He has people for the good moments, but he doesn't need them to see the bad moments.

Suddenly he misses Polly so bad it hurts, so bad he wants to curl in on himself and press his hands into his eyes until he sees stars burst behind his eyelids. She's the only one- not Furiosa, not Grace, not his brothers- the only one he'd trust to get him through this without it changing them.

Instead he swallows thickly and slides his gaze back to the tabletop. "No one can make me feel safe, Lark." But he thinks he'll need it. He might ask for it, in a moment of desperation, all the same.

[ukan]

"It was a badly worded offer." Lark admits. Lark is a man who would kill off his best friend--who might even kill his own lover--if it meant getting further along this path he's on.

But there is still a distant part of him that feels empathy for no manipulative purpose at all.

He's not sure which part of him is operating here with Tommy, but he knows he feels a pang, seeing Tommy there wrestling with himself.

"Nothing will make you feel safe until it's over. Nothing. Not a family around you, not an army to protect you, not a woman to sponge the sweat off your face. You're going to be reliving every moment you ever buried in the smoke or the liquor. They aren't going to be there with you during it, just like they weren't there when you were first hurt. And, again--the less experience they have, the less they can do anything for you. My advice is to make a plan. Don't let it all take you off guard."

[bleak_midwinter]

He gives one small concession, now- raises a hand to rub the bridge of his nose, sighs a little. It's a soft, trembling thing, and he resents himself already for the weakness. God knows what's to come.

"And your plan would be to have you here to tell me what to expect." And in doing so, surely coming out in debt. He can't imagine someone like Lark won't see it as a favor to be repaid.

[ukan]

He can hear it, the suspicion there. He knows he deserves it, but figures Tommy doesn't understand how much suspicion he has earned.

It's also the moment he takes a breath and decides that isn't what this will be about. Tommy is not pack. He has no obligation to help him. He's not even sure he really likes Tommy that much, for God's sake.

But he likes him just enough to want to try. Forget the goals he has Tommy featuring in and just let it be for now.

"Tommy. I think it's only fair that if I'm serious about this, I let you see me as flayed open as you're going to be. It's not something that I should have an upper hand about. So if you want- we can try to balance the scales out."

[bleak_midwinter]

It's tempting- at first, because he wants that, wants to know more about Lark, about what makes him dangerous. Then, he realizes part of him wants it because he doesn't want to be alone, even if that's how he always does it.

And Lark is right: he does need someone who knows what this will be like. And he's the only one he knows here who does.

"And how d'you propose we do that?" It's not a no, but he needs to know what he's agreeing to.

[ukan]

"I thought I'd let you ask, or I'd offer up information, until you feel you have enough to hold over my head."

Yes this is a great way to foster trust, isn't it? (But it's safer than trust, in Lark's experience. And it means more.)

[bleak_midwinter]

He considers it for a long, hard minute. Tommy is used to dilemmas, and he's used to either solving them or hoping to god he picked the right option.

There's nothing for it. It's the same here, now, and when he comes to a decision he nods. He's still not sure why Lark is doing this, but he'll let it happen as long as it's still within his control.

[ukan]

Lark takes a breath, lets it out, nods. As much as Tommy needs control of some part of this, Lark is going to have to work to give up the stranglehold he has on himself.

"Did you have any questions, or should I just...?"

[bleak_midwinter]

"Why do you think you're here?" The question is abrupt, almost interrupting Lark as he trails off. He's pegged the man for someone who knows himself well enough to guess.

[ukan]

That should be an easy card to give up, except Lark has been playing the 'I don't know' bit with other inmates in order to tease their crimes out of them.

"I've killed a lot of people," he admits slowly, but that's only part of it. A small part. "I think the Admiral brought me here because I have my sights on LA County."

He looks at Tommy, who runs a 'business', who understands expansion. "It's complicated. But the Admiral seems to like human beings, so I can see why he'd want to bring me here and try to change my mind."

[bleak_midwinter]

"What does that mean, for you? To have sights on something."

It goes without saying that he won't tell any of the other inmates- or wardens. Not when this is about the balance between their secrets.

[ukan]

If there was any doubt that this is difficult for Lark, it should be clear now, in the fleeting, pleading, worried look he throws at Tommy. Just as quickly his expression is smoothed and practiced.

"It means I plan to take it over."

[bleak_midwinter]

"All of it? Or just the- lycanthropes there?"

He clenches his jaw when Lark looks at him like that- he needs resolution, here, or he's not going to come out of this with his dignity intact.

[ukan]

"I had planned to run the other packs out." A pause. "But now I'm going to kill them all."

After the debacle with Baron and Sasha, there's no way Lark is going to risk some other pack coming in and fucking things up any worse than they are.

He thinks of Tommy going through withdrawals, of the clawing aching sobbing madness that goes with that even when you're done detoxing. He closes his eyes, breathes, looks at Tommy and adds the part that he's sure the Admiral wants to stop:

"I'm going to take over the human side, too."